Grief and Gratitude. Intersections.
Reflecting on Intersections, Universality and Legacy Art… in the Grief Journey
Many of us having been waiting patiently or impatiently for times (post the initial pandemic-lock-down years) when we flourish and settle into a more relaxed, safe and engaging life again overall. However, what if life continues to present with tricky, emotionally draining and challenging experiences? I am not alone in my challenges or grief journey as several people close to me have had monumental change and loss accompanying them as well.
Saddened, I have been witnessing many others grieve as I navigate my own experiences of loss and anticipatory grief these past two years. These are also times of collective grief and dire disbelief as the world is fractured and raw from the atrocities of war and cumulative losses encircling us.
Intersections.
So much of this reflective experience is and has been intersections of polarities for me.. joy…loss…comfort…discomfort…acceptance…disbelief …
Although I have several years of experience in long-term care settings providing art therapy for individuals with dementia, chronic and terminal illness, and understand as witness the progression and decline within the Dementia journey (and therefore a level of assimilated preparedness) that embodied UNDERSTANDING intersects with a humbling sense of HELPLESSNESS at times.
What is different in this moment in time and these past few years, is the intensely layered experiences of losses in both my professional and personal experiences (for my self and those dear to me).
No amount of awareness, skills or knowledge can alter what is happening to the individuals/clients one cares about (and/or the loved one beginning their palliative path) … OR, soften the emotions you feel as you navigate these fluctuating, transitional and changing moments of expanding dread and worry. It is heart-wrenching for all involved.
One must find spaces, even if fleeting, where comfort and discomfort intersect and reside, as that is where the fires of resilience are slowly stoked and awaken from within those unsettled places. AND, one should try to find comfort in community.
Over the years of my art therapy teaching and supervising, I have on occasion been asked if I get used to losing clients. After 18 years that number is understandably quite large. However, it remains a simple answer really. NO. Full stop. I do not ever get used to losing a client.
What has shifted for me as a person and as a practitioner, is how I navigate that loss and embody the intersections within this demanding heart-felt experience. Does it take it’s toll at times still? Definitely.
As I feel the genuine sadness of losing a special person, and become witness to the heart ache of the family in mourning, this also intersects with a sense of humility and gratitude for my role in this journey. As an art therapist and psychosocial support I have had the honour to step into in this last chapter of their lives, accompanying elders and hopefully providing for them moments of comfort, joy and active living along the way.
I find ways to pause and to honour my time and relationship with that individual/elder, so that I can step into a space and fully support others in grieving who need me to be there for them as a therapist and psychosocial support. For the family, I am there to listen and genuinely hear their stories.
Art. Legacy.
How often viewing the individual’s/client’s art (for both the family and myself) gently coaxes glimmers and sparks of shared moments and lives lived. The legacy of the art product gently prompts relational reflections and reminds me of my gratitude around having that end-of life time with someone. I hold onto and cherish those moments.. a sense of comfort woven into the grieving process … intersections… For the family it often prompts dialogue around active living, and joy through art making in final days. Gentle gifts of reciprocity for everyone involved.
Universality.
There is a tapestry of diverse human experiences, created and held together with the common threads of understanding. So many of us during intensely stressful periods of our lives, feel alone with our problems, and if compounded by social isolation, this sense of uniqueness and aloneness increases. When we reach out to others, and as sharing and disclosures occur, there is comfort in knowing that others may have been effected by similar experiences.
For those on a grief journey and can relate, hoping this post provides some comfort for you in your journey from the lens of universality ….. a fundamental element for growth, awareness and self understanding, and community. The realization that others may share or relate to your personal situation, can be extremely comforting and validating, and aids with healing at so many levels.
Universality has become the foundation in the establishment of many support and bereavement groups, and the appeal and motivation to participate, by many of the individual group members. Healing in community and connection with others.
Sharing below Grief Stories, with some from the Connections Blog.
Breath • Inside an old barn on a dirt road in N.B., an artist creates a secret world • Blog post retrieved from www.CBC.ca 〰 artist Ann Manual creates a large installation called Breath inspired by witnessing the final breaths of both her parents
This Barn Contains a Secret Installation • Video retrieved from www.CBC.ca 2023
Feel Like Unravelling 〰 Grief could have torn their world apart by the seams. How these women used knitting to weave a different story. • Blog post retrieved from www.CBC.ca 2024
A Safe Space for Creativity & Wellness. 〰 developing art therapy in hospice settings - Shara McLaren
Message in A Bottle 〰 community project in recognition of National Bereavement Day - Shara McLaren • McNally Hospice
Butterfly Bereavement Project. Aldona. 〰 community bereavement project 2024 - Aldonna Morrison
Collecting Loss 〰 Weaving Threads of Memory • Esther Kalaba & Karen Haffey. From World of Threads Exhibition Description in 2012.
Other Collecting Loss Links: Toronto Star + Montreal Gazette (website was www.collectingloss.com)
Grief is Like a Pair of Muddy Boots 〰 the uniqueness of each person’s individual grief journey - Gabrielle Elise Jimenez • Blog Post retrieved from www.thehospiceheart.net
Do you have a grief story to share, or a link to one online? Please reach out if you do.
